If you kiss my neck… You’re not leaving this room unfucked.


how to get a thigh gap

  1. put a guys head between your legs

"I wish I was drunk"


masculinity is so funny to me bc men deprive themselves of the best things in life in order to achieve it like ….fuzzy socks, fun fruity pink drinks, spa days, lifetime movies,  expressing positive feelings in a healthy way, being a warm genuine person

(Source: piplump)


You should date a girl who smokes weed.
Date a girl who weeds. Date a girl who spends her money on dank ass kush instead of clothes, who has problems with closet space because she has too many plants. Date a girl who has a list of strains she wants to smoke, who has had possession charges since she was twelve.

Find a girl who weeds. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unlit blunt in her bag. She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she has found the book she wants to roll mad joints with. You see that weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a secondhand book shop? That’s the stoner. They can never resist smelling things, especially shit that burns long and stanky.

She’s the girl weeding while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her bong, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of high already. Lost in a world of the 60s. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who weed do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the shit she’s smoking.

Buy her another nug.

Let her know what you really think of Maui Wowwie. See if she got through the first puff of herb. Understand that if she says she understood Reefer Madness she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Mary Jane or she would like to be Mary Jane.

It’s easy to date a girl who weeds. Give her weed for her birthday, for Christmas, for anniversaries. Give her the gift of smoke, in Cheech and in Chong. Give her grass, dope, bud, ganja. Let her know that you understand that weeds are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite episode she watched when she was baked as fuck. It will never be your fault if she does.

She has to give it a hit somehow.

Fail her. Because a girl who weeds knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who weed understand that all highs must come to end, but that you can always light another blunt. That you can begin again and again and still be baked. That life is meant to have a sticky-icky-icky or two.

If you find a girl who weeds, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a piece to her chest and weeping, make her a batch of pot brownies and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in a book are real, because for a while, they always are when you’re stoned.

You will propose on at a deal. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time you’re hotboxing her car.

You will toke so hard you will wonder why your lungs haven’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will have kids with dank names and even danker tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cannabis Queen and Princess High, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Grateful Dead lyrics under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.

Date a girl who weeds because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the strongest high imaginable. If you can only give her sobriety, and sober hours and not-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who weeds.

Or better yet, date a girl who deals.


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